1979 - The first encounter I had with RPGs at all was with a game called Swords & Sorcery that someone in my dorm at Oakwood Friends School had on their shelf. When I asked them about it they told me it was a varient of a game called Dungeons and Dragons and that I should check out "So and So`s" wednesday night game after studyhall. I did. Died within 30 seconds. Fun... ok maybe not so much fun but I was hooked anyway. Statistical descriptions representing fantastic heroes and stuff out of books Id been reading about since age 6. And you got to use plastic dice with many different types of sides called Polyhedrals. That was fascinating in itself as Id never seen dice shaped differently than your standard 6 sided cube.
I was able to buy the 3 main books for Advanced Dungeons and Dragons ( DMG, PHB, and MM) plus a bag of dice from a graduating student for $30 total which was $15 less than the books cost in the store. Needless to say I flunked out of 9th grade because I spent all my time playing and writing stories forAD&D instead of doing the critical assignments known as homework. I was too busy constructing my first fantasy campaign.
Since then Ive played all the games listed above and more and collected a large number and variety of interesting paper and pencil rpgs. I used to write modules (which are story settings & rules for the game) for my friends, then when I became pretty good at making them I started writing them for various conventions. Going to conventions opened my eyes up to all sorts of different types of RPGs. And Organizations.
I became involved everso briefly with the RPGA which was TSRs public relations arm that tried (and failed in my mind) to bring the Roleplaying Community together by making unified formats for running RPG games. They published a zine called the Polyhedron (free to members) that had some great material for anyone interested in RPGs but also contained alot of garbage and things put together in a hodgepodge manner. My chief gripe with the RPGA was their member coordination pretty much didnt exist, and I had some minor issues with the rigidity of their attempt to codify rpgers. It seemed to me that a person can be a rank beginner to the game genre and still have fun and contribute immensely which was counter to their philosophy of master and grandmaster players.
Also it became more apparent to me that the mechanics (the rules, dice etc) didnt mean as much to me in the long run as the stories I could tell afterwards of things done and said and how colorful so and so was and how neat it was that somebody figured such and such a puzzle out just as certain doom loomed etc. There is some intangible thing that the player gains from RPGs that often goes untalked about which is that the experience they are involved in influences who they are in the real world to some degree. For most of us this influence is moderated by the fact that we actually do operate in the real world. But its there nonetheless. We are not so quick to laugh at deformity or be insensitive to issues if we've had the chance to roleplay through those situations ourselves.
One day I was in Forbidden Planet ( a comic story in NYC) looking through their limited stock of RPG materials when I ran across this book called Prince Valient. (I dont have the book in front of me now so the title might be slightly different) but the thing I noticed is that it advertised itself as a diceless rpg. !!!? Wait a moment I thought... someone has actually written down a way to resolve things in a rpg setting without using dice? Interesting...So I bought it. Ok I am not a huge fan of playing in a game full of characters I already know lots about but the lure of the Arthurian Legends was strong. I thought the book was novel and interesting and was glad I bought it. However I couldnt seem to interest my players in it so it went on the shelf.
Then I found Amber, The Diceless RPG. and again ventured into the unknown and purchased it. Amber is a great world and I love reading about Roger Zalazny's characters but I have to say roleplaying in the shadow worlds wasnt as much fun as I thought it might be. My players werent thrilled. Even so I thought it was an interesting mechanic and think it still is a viable way to play. If I wasnt so damned lazy maybe I might have adapted the mechanics and created my own version that my players would have enjoyed more. All in all Diceless games don't really seem to be very popular but I have heard some people just rave and rave about them so I think its fair to say that the subgenre stands on its own.
So I was invited (back in the late 80s) by a friend Id met at a Con to play in a local game run by this very old school Dungeon Master. I did and was suitably impressed with his melding of old style D&D( pre basic set, pre Advanced), AD&D, and his own homegrown rules which actually made more sense than many of the standard rules in the editions I owned. I liked the players alot and found out that several of them aside from being some of the very first players of the game were involved in this organization Id heard of but never seen up close: the Society for Creative Anachronism. The SCA in nyc is split (schizmed they called it) into the official SCAdians and the Medieval Recreationists (I am not sure this is the actual name) over some arcane thing I never did quite understand. But the interesting thing about them is they dress up in period clothes and armor and using rattan swords and maces etc bash each other like medieval soldiers and knights. And they have festivals where they sell stuff made painstakingly by hand. These goods are often quite high quality though occasionally they cheat abit with the dyes or type of cloth/thread used. They make mead ( a honey based alcoholic beverage Ive never tasted) and their own beer/ale, and form Kingdoms and have intrigue and roleplay events in a type of gaming called Live Action Role Playing. Now The SCA and MR arent the only groups taking part in this style of Roleplaying. Once Id found out about this style I soon found many different games going on all across nyc. It was quite the rage for a while. This was around the time that Mindseye Theater came out with a LARP version of the World of Darkness Game Vampire the Masquerade.
1994 - I was diverted for a while from my love of RPGs by an intriguingly related card game called Magic The Gathering. I happened to be living in a center of MTG activity before it became a national phenomenon. The fellows who ran Jim Hanley's Universe on 32nd street saw the popularity of the game and started a monthly Con called NYMAGIC. NYMAGIC had a tournament every month for the big money cards in the game and some of the best players in the world competed for the prizes. I was hopelessly hooked by then and found myself making decks while playing D&D on Sundays. These guys who ran NYMAGIC finally wised up quit the comic book store and decided to open thier own store/club dedicated to gaming but more specifically catering to Magic The Gathering Fanboys. They called it Neutral Ground. Business was slow at first there and some of us got in free by volunteering our services to run events. My event was my weekly open AD&D 2nd editon campaign that for convenience sake I ran using Forgotten Realms material. Every week we had different players and you could never count any one player showing up but the stories were fun and episodic rather than contiguous. I got to try out some modules there before running them at conventions thus giving me an extra layer of playtesting. Which was fortunate when my play group broke up for logistical reasons.
One saturday night I was at Neutral Ground instead of the monthly NYMAGIC tournament because I was jaded with tourney level magic which was all about at the time which big money cards you owned. I was trading with other people of like mind and was playing a friendly game when the lights were dimmed. I got up a little confused as a worker announced that the club was being turned over for the evening to a LARP called "My City, My Kingdom." I was stunned but figured Id stick around and find out what was going on. Somehow I ended up hanging out (unknowingly) with the Garou Story Teller for the game, Chris. I just liked hearing how he explained things to people and he was funny so I hung out. At somepoint after finding out enough of what was going on to discern the rules of the game and the general plot line I got a character concept going...
I decided to play a near adult Garou. Blain Moonglory was a stargazer aroun homid. For those unfamiliar with the WOD system and Mindseye Theater rules this meant I was playing a werewolf of the warrior caste whose natural shape was humanoid and who was of the Stargazer Tribe (Who philosophies are somewhat in the mystic vein). The thing that was interesting about my character is that he was both very curious and nonjudgemental. He got himself involved in a number of scrapes because of this weird combination of naivity and wisdom. I wont get into too many details but suffice to say I became involved in the LARP and soon found myself roleplaying (in public) on Tuesdays at Union Square which was one of the locations we had chosen because of its centrality.
Also sharing space with us was the Tuesday Evening SCAdian Weapons practice. The number of people from there who played in the LARP and people in the LARP who occasionally suited up for weapons practice was astounding. If I was in better physical condition I might have gotten involved in weilding a rattan stick myself :P... thankfully I am adverse to being bruised repeatedly.
I became dissatisfied with the way the LARP was being run and I related my frustrations to Adam the Head StoryTeller. He listened to my gripes and unexpectedly asked me help him run the game. So For about 8 months we ran regular LARP sessions of the "My City My Kingdom" story with numerous climaxes and denouments, and twists (and untwists) that could rival a soap opera like Days of Our Lives. We incorporated our own rules for Mage the Ascension in the game and when Changling (the dreaming? I dont remember,) came out we include those too.
It was quite alot of fun and I highly recommend a LARP for anyone who isnt bound to a chair or otherwise lacking mobility. Even that shouldnt be a 100% a deterent for the determined. Most of the action is actually verbal and social in nature with little actual motion. Soon after the end of My City My Kingdom, I got involved in another LARP (Living in The Garden of Dreams) using our Mage The Ascension rules which was great as a one shot story. Sadly the second and third parts didnt really happen and the group that ran it soon parted ways. Adam still running LARPS invited me to play in a vampire storyline he was writing and that was also short lived but fun. Overall I really enjoyed my experiences both as a player and a storyteller/narator and feel LARPs are an essential subgenre.
Back in the mid 80s most of the rpg games/software I heard about were on the Atari and Apple IIe and Commodore Pet systems. I didnt know about Nintendo until I walked into my local music shop to buy guitar strings for a gig and saw this young Korean kid in the back playing something attached to a TV. I had to stop and stare. I watched for about 30 minutes then started asking him questions. What is this game? How do you play it? How much does it cost? etc. The kid was very nice and explained that the game was called Zelda. It was an adventure game based on Roleplaying and was the best of its kind at the time. I was hooked. My gf bought me a Nintendo System that year for my Birthday and Zelda since that was the game that I noticed and raved about. Soon I was playing all sorts of RPGs and Adventures. Little did I know that software was improving dramatically for PCs to match the improvements in technology. As soon as VGA became a standard for monitors there were RPGs for the PC that used higher end graphics. Nintendo graphics now looking back were good for their system but didnt compare to the PC games of the time. Warlords for example. Some PC games made the port from PC to Console like Bards Tale, Wizardry, Might and Magic, and Pool of Radiance which was not only the first AD&D software roleplaying game of its kind but also was linked closely with the ongoing (at the time) tabletop campaign called Forgotten Realms written by Ed Greenwood. (Sadly TSR overextended itself by making Greenwood's seminal campaign into a series of books that were marginal at best as literature goes, but thats another tale.)Eventually as my need to have a PC grew I got one donated to me. I ended up playing those games mentioned above. It was actually quite awhile before I got a machine capable of displaying the graphics for the M&M series. I didnt even know about the Multiuser Dungeons that were the rage on UseNet (the preinternet) back when Universities and the Government were its main users. MUDs (and MUSHs) which I found out about relatively recently (5 years ago maybe) were the predecessor to MMORPGs.
Not so very long ago Balder's Gate came out then BGII and Icewind Dale and Sequels but until Diablo came out there wasnt a really strong online presence of RPG material other than the many fan sites and of course TSR/WOTC's and White Wolf's sites. Suddenly I noticed alot of people playing Diablo. Then sadly I noticed people downloading Trainers and cheats for that game. It is a bit understandable to me how you can want to use a Game Shark on a particularly difficult game and Diablo was a difficult game I suppose. But it seemed to develop into something more than simply a cheat for a hard game. It was a battle between the makers (Blizzard) and Crackers who each were determined to outdo each other. Diablo II came out with "hack proof" new software that was quickly being cracked by the "geniuses" on the net. I say that last in quotes because how smart is it to crack a game just to spoil its fun? Seems pointless to me. I am sure there were a few people who managed to actually make some small amount of money on it before the cracks became common place so maybe there was a point for some greedy bastage.
While I was busy LARPing and playing MTG and games on my PC offline there started this weird new type of RPG genre: the MMORPG. Its still the latest greatest thing going on in games right now. Ive never played any of the games listed above except the last that I tried to play and couldnt because my pc didnt have enough RAM to be able to handle the game online. So much for a month free gaming. Couldnt even move when I logged on. I am not saying any of these games are bad but you cant really enjoy them without a serious PC system setup for Online gaming. At least that has been what I've seen so far. From what I've heard the level of virtual reality immersion is intense to the point where some people have had difficulty telling the difference between real life and the game. I have a friend who stopped playing after an experience that made him question what was real. I’ve known people who have gone for days without doing anything but play EQ.A couple years ago I signed up to playtest a game called Dawn. Dawn was too good to be true in so many ways that I should have known it was Vaporware. Sadly I wasnt alone in being duped. Many fine RPers were drawn to the site advertising this game and there were extensive online Forums about it. This lead me to play an RPG made for a browser called Race War Kingdoms.
Race War Kingdoms was sort of a graphical mud created by the company that was promising Dawn. Supposedly it was the testing ground for some of the combat systems and interactions between the races in the game. In actuality it was the progenitor of a subgenre. Browser based MUDstyle MMORPGs are fairly common now. And now we find a common link between my days as a Pencil and Paper roleplayer and PC RPGs. I often felt RPG as used for PC games was a misnomer because to me RPGs meant social interaction and actual Role Playing (acting). Now we can do this online with other people in a style called "Free form." Free form roleplaying does have rules but they are based on the chat you interact within.
My Guidelines for Roleplaying Online:No Yelling (unless its in character and fits the story),
No spamming (as per any internet chat with rules),
No Cursing (again unless its in character and fits the story),
Be expressive ( this doesnt mean write long paragraphs describing in excruciating detail everything your character sees, hears, smells, touchs or does. A clear hint that youve gone too far in this direction is if your paragraphs always need to be continued because of the limited length of a single Textline AND you use lots and lots of ColorType Adjectives. Adjectives are very useful but can be over done to death.), and
Be cooperative (this means acknowledge the roleplaying of those you are in the chat with if they are in the same story as you. even if you find them to be offensive they are part of the game. Also this includes not Auto hitting or Godmoding which I wont go into here.)
Pretty simple guidelines really. All you need to be concerned about is that you stay in character and let those you are rping with know what you are doing ( private messages can help with this if there are questions) and stay in the story helping it grow as a cooperative effort.
Also keep in mind many younger folk (under 18) participate in this type of RPG and they maybe extremely inexperienced. This doesn't make them bad as much as uninformed. Helping them become better at RPGing maybe good for your experiences in the long run.
Epilogue: It seems to me that RPGs while having become more mainstream have also become far more diverse than they were. Also now that the gaming industry acknowledges the importance of the genre the mega corps have stepped in to get their piece of the pie so to speak. I was in Barnes and Nobles the other day searching for a book to buy with my Christmas gift certificate and I found that D20 books (specifically the Players Handbook, Dungeon Masters Guide and Monster Manual of D&D 3e) I have bought in the past from TSR have now increased in price by $10.00 US! What the heck? Is it just me or is that just insane? Ive seen little talk about this online so I assume most players of the table top games are affluent enough that they just don’t care. Sad to say my days as a rpg collector are numbered as I no longer can afford to buy rpgs at the inflated prices. You might find me on one of the many free online games.
Well thats pretty much how I view the history of Roleplaying and its context in my life. I am most interested in recieving responses or comments about this article. you can contact me via the following link: http://outofthebrokensky.com/mail.aspx or you can email me at gando.thebard@gmail.com";
art.relLinks[art.title.length] = "
Wizards Of The Coast
Lands Of Hope"
art.title[art.title.length] = "A Personal History Of Role Playing Games";
art.by[art.title.length] = "Paul Emerson Leicht";
art.date[art.title.length] = "4.10.03";
art.body[art.title.length] ="
Michelle. She was young like me, (18 or so) and on the verge of being an adult.
I was sitting down on the sidewalk next to Kenny`s Castaways making a lanyard (made of embroidery thread,) for a friend (Joseph, I think.) It`s a trick I learned from a wandering gypsy who sold his product on a little blanket for 5 bucks apiece. I don`t remember what I was getting for it from Joseph. Food money most likely or perhaps he was going to buy my next 40oz. Joseph played guitar next to me trying to raise some money for his own victuals and he was doing passing fair
I was intent on the working the lanyard and didn`t notice the audience I had gained. She stood there watching me for a while I am not sure how long when I finally looked up she smiled and then strode on. (This is the way Bleeker street was in 1983- lots of people wandering and partying like Marde Gras. Bridge-people getting stoned to celebrate whatever, students from NYU getting drunk and tourists out to see the city in its night time greatness.) I had my own guitar with me but it was a crappy 50 dollar replacement I got at a 3rd avenue pawn shop with money I got as a gift from some horny old chickenhawk ostensibly who felt sorry for my bedraggled self but probably wanted to score some young flesh.
[Bedraggled was a good way to describe me. I was homeless, living in Washington Square Park in NYC, the city Id grown up in. My Dad had let the lease go on the apartment he was renting for me when I dropped out of High School and became more and more alcoholic and pot smoking. I probably could have paid the rent myself but by then he was fed up and washed his hands. (I knew how to get a job and had already garnered quite the resume to prove it. Nothing lasted more than a few months but I had held numerous jobs.)]
So I had no worldly goods besides my crappy guitar, my soiled and torn clothes, shoes and some embroidery thread I bought for a buck-fifty at Woolworths. I tried as best I could to get baths/showers however I could but generally my clothes stank anyway and my hair was lank and uncut flowing to my midsection. I had a tiny beard… barely enough to be more than a whisper of extremely dark hair. I think it looked like dirt the in way the classic teenager moustache/beards tend to.
I didn`t see Michelle again that night and was wistful that the Gods had sent me an angelic vision yet she didn`t stay. I got drunk. I played Whipping Post badly in the streets with Don Houston (an ancient fun-loving Yippee alcoholic who loved the Allman Brothers.) As the sun rose over NYC I wandered back into the park and proceeded to lay in the empty fountain at the center of the park and let the sunrise soak my tired bones while finishing the lanyard. I vaguely heard sounds as a few people wandered by but didn`t bother to look up sure that they would simply keep going.
I heard a voice. \"What`s that you are making?\" I looked up. Flaxen hair (dark blonde really) framed her pale face. Her face had that alluring look of a 16 year old with a sprightly twinkle in her eyes. She approached the fountain and I realized she was the same young woman who had stopped to watch me for a while the prior night. Her voice had a fun quality to it like it was capable of doing great things. I smiled up at her and said \"Making a lanyard.\" I noticed she was with another raven-tressed young woman who was standing a little behind her… more aloof and less interested in the obvious street urchin that I appeared to be. Michelle introduced herself warmly taking my dirty cold hand. Her friend Millie, less enthusiastically, also said hello.
Millie tried rather unsuccessfully to grab her friend and go but Michelle was staying put for the moment. As we sat there and talked about a wide variety of things she became friendlier and less worried. At some point the Sun shone down fully, Millie asked me if I played the guitar I had by my side. I admitted that I had some knowledge where in I tried to prove it by picking up the thing and strumming. Boy the awful sound that was emitted scared even me. I grimaced and tuned it as best as it could be tuned and set it back down.
At this point we all got a little uncomfortable as a chill wind picked up and blew across the park from the Arches. The Summer Sun was warm but the wind was biting. Michelle and Millie got up to leave and I reluctantly prepared to part company with the first female friends Id found in a while. Millie whispered something to Michelle and Michelle (apparently the strong leader type of the two,) grinned and smiling said to me: How bout you come with us. Its just around the corner. \" I grew up in NYC the motto is don`t trust a stranger and never go anywhere with people you don`t know. Usually sound advice and normally I`d have followed it but I was feeling my hormones rage and two buxom beauties were inviting me in out of the cold.
Their nefarious lair turned out to be student housing located in the coveted Washington Mews. An auspicious beginning I thought. Id walked by its gated environs many times but never before had someone asked me within. Don`t get me wrong it was no more posh than most Manhattan communities back then. But it was a place Id always wanted to see. The door was next a haircutters business on 8th street between University Place and 5th avenue.
Inside warm and cozy the place was obviously shared by a number of different personalities and wasn`t particularly impressive. But we sat down and Millie and Michelle giggling like school children went into the kitchen to fetch drinks. They came back with Orange Juice (my favorite non alcoholic drink) and a half finished bottle of Smirnoff`s. This was back when Smirnoff`s Vodka only came in one variety: clear. (*smiles*) Unrepentant alcoholic that I was I partook in their libation with gratitude. With the ice broken we talked for what seemed like hours. Michelle then got serious and said \"Choose.\" I looked confused and uttered most brightly \"huh?\" Millie said \"Choose which of us you like the most.\"
I was stunned. I had an intuition that I might end up being intimate with one of them but I had no idea how I was going to do it. Apparently they had decided for me ‘the how` and replaced that dilemma with another. How to choose one without insulting either and without seeming too eager? Millie the shorter one was built with more curves (larger hips and breasts) but seemed some how darker in spirit. Yes, a callow teenage virgin was concerned about spirit in a vague manner. I did find Millie very attractive with her humor and voluptuous body but Michelle was the one who found me and dragged me home with them… And I found her to be oddly more beautiful, in an almost Elven way. (Tolkien influenced much of my earlier youth so my meme/references from that time are rife with middle earth terms.)
I was enamored by her curiosity and her winsome smile. Her body perhaps less impressive in some ways than Millie was quite feminine but she was dressed more modestly so I couldn`t really make a good judgement based on physical preference at the time. I hemmed and hawed and initially said jokingly: \"Both.\" But they were having none of that. When it looked like they were getting a bit irritated despite being clearly smashed I said in a shy voice \"Her…Michelle. I guess if I have to choose she`s the one who found me and caught my eye. \"
What the heck did I know? I`d come close to getting laid in high school numerous times and my last sweetheart from there was quite the love muffin but there was never an appropriate time and place and I never got all the way there. Its not that I couldn`t find the way I just never had the guts to follow through and I was wary of being hurt as Id seen both my parents and even my sister and cousins get.
But here I was having the adventure of my lifetime and knew better than to turn such an opportunity down. I spent a couple days with Michelle and Millie hanging out with both of them, feeling slightly bad that Millie was a 3rd wheel but she didn`t seem to mind. She regaled me with tales of Paris and the underground music scene there. She turned out to be a just returning street musician poet artist with a side to her that was adorable and loving if a little more hidden than Michelle`s more outgoing sparkle. Michelle, the story turns out, was a young artist much like my mom in her drawing style and she was currently attending Cooper Union.
Michelle and I spent many an hour hanging out in Millie`s upper eastside pad having almost-sex. I say almost sex because while I orgasmed multiple times just caressing her and kissing her we hadn`t fucked. We made love. Sort of. I say ‘sort of` because it wasn`t really love. I had strong emotions for her and certainly admired her and loved her body. But I couldn`t have possible known her in such a short time to really have loved her.
Fooling around with Michelle was like a teacher student thing… I was the inexperienced unworldly one and she the knowledgeable one and mystery was her lure to keep me interested yet also probably a bit annoying. She was just having a fling. I was slowly falling in love/lust and feeling rather lost. I was more together, smart and ‘with it` in the hostile world of the streets than a pawn in some capricious game between college girls.
[I am reporting much of this from hindsight which is not only far from perfect it is deliberately obfuscated by mind so I won`t have to relive in detail the events that happened after. I struggle against the fog of the years as I write this to describe in as unbiased a manner as is possible those events.
Also while I am not abashed to tell of the things we did I see no need to go into lascivious detail except where it becomes absolutely crucial to the telling.]
In the week and a half hiatus from my street life Michelle and I got to know each other more and more and shared tales of her life. I managed to get my clothes washed at Millie`s apartment and she lent me an old pair of wearable sneakers that fit me more or less. We spent time drinking Screwdrivers in the Mews inner garden during the evenings and then went down to MacDougal Street and sat in cafes eating pastry and then wandered down to Mills Pub on Bleeker street where we watched my friends Count Mathew and Kenny Gwynn and the Board of Directors perform covers from the 70's. Also there on some nights played a fellow named Zorky who helped me out earlier in the summer when I needed cash by buying my beat-to-heck Pearl 12 string guitar for a reasonable price.
During the time I spent with Michelle (despite still drinking regularly) I started to calm down my alcoholism and to get it under control. Or so I thought. (Denial is very powerful.) I was too happy with her to want to really drown my emotions anymore. Also I stopped having access to free pot since I was no longer hanging out with my pot smoking buddies. I even visited my Dad once at his loft and told him about Michelle. We finally went the whole way one lazy Friday afternoon mainly due to her not being willing to wait a moment longer. We lay in her little bed and she guided me like a student pilot on his first flight. It was over too quickly and I was too naïve and perhaps prudish to know how to be with a woman properly.
[My parents were fairly open about sex but didn`t actually volunteer specific information past the clinical descriptions. And I had gotten the same from neighborhood friends and teachers. Interestingly looking back on my youth I have to realize that despite being a native New Yorker with a street rep I didn`t know the first thing about women or relations or people.]She woke me that evening with sketches she`d drawn while I was asleep, of me in various reposes. At the time I thought it was a romantic gesture. Now I realize she was signifying the end of her interest in me and our fling by capturing the moment for posterity with her not-inconsiderable talent. The next day I met her dad who it turned out lived mostly in some Hudson River town upstate.
Encouraged by her dad I went out and got a job at the Hagen-Daz on MacDougal and 8th street. Scooping luxury ice cream for hot New Yorkers and sundry tourists wasn`t much fun but we got free food from the attached restaurant next door and the pay was above minimum wage.
This meant I was unable to hang out and party etc during the evening. Sunday, Michelle sat me down in her dining area/kitchen and matter-of-factly told me it was over. She spoke about her long term boyfriend and that he was coming to the city to visit so I couldn`t be there. She dumped me and kicked me out in one fell swoop. Millie being the darling she was said I could bring my stuff up to her place and crash for just the night.
After work I went straight there. At first (being on the rebound, and being exhausted) I took her barely dressed almost naked body in the door way as an invitation but she quickly and wryly set me straight letting me sleep on her couch with a blanket and pillow. If I have any regrets about Millie its that I never really got to know her and somewhere in my heart I think maybe I missed an opportunity to find something deeper than my sexual debut.
The next evening after work I knocked on Michelle`s door and she uncomfortably let me in. I needed my guitar and the few items I had left there. She had company which explained her discomfort. Her boyfriend, some of his friends, her roommates and their mates were having a late summer get-together. She introduced me described me in a most desultory fashion intention being very vague so as to keep her boyfriend out of the loop. She casually inserted me into her little party and got me a cup of something which I didn`t drank. I pulled her aside and asked after my guitar. She nodded of course. \"Paul is working nights now so he`s tired and needs to get home\" she said. What home? I thought sourly but smiled and nodded like the monkey I was. She handed me my guitar then went into her room for a moment while I stood there uncomfortably chitchatting with her guests trying to be discreet but wanting to scream quite loudly: \"She dumped me that lying two timing bitch!\" I would never have said that.
Moments passed and she came out with an art portfolio and handed it to me and said: \"Thanks for letting me practice on you\". I told her to keep them. I stayed for a minute longer then left. Outside on 8th street there was not a single person. The street looked like a ghost town except there was an empty big green dumpster in the middle of the street and garbage was strewn everywhere. I stood there and wept for what seemed like a long time then my rage/hurt boiled up to the surface. I took that cheap Pawnshop piece of crap poor excuse for a guitar and smashed it into little bits.
It just so happened that as I was finishing a "get high" buddy turned the corner and saw me wreck a guitar like ‘Ritchie Blackmoore on stage.` Those were his words later when I calmed down and we sat on a stoop near Washington Square Park.
I saw Michelle a year or so later. I had been in recovery for almost that long and was in drug-counseling therapy after a stint at DAYTOP outreach in the Upper Westside. We talked for a moment then she put a dollar in my case with her number and told me to call her if I ever got famous. I called her a month or so later and told her I wanted the sketches she drew. She was graceful about it and arranged for me to have them. Unfortunately I have lost many possessions since then and have never run into her again or her street musician friend Millie. I`ve had other heartbreaks/relationships with a twist but that`s another story
The End :)
" art.relLinks[art.title.length] = "Author's note: the chronology of events is not in a particular order. Where I can I try to specify what month and year I am talking about but this is an account based on my memories which are prone to being mixed up, and fallible.
THE RAVEN:September 19th 2001 or so, a week after the WTC came crashing down from the hateful act of a handful of men religiously fanatical and suicidally homicidal, I first attended the Raven Open Stage run by Joie of Dead Blond Girlfriend. My friend Hogan Long who has been my artistic patron and collaborator for a few years now conned me into going. Conned isnt really the right word. I wanted to go. I just didnt know it. Then he described the acts he'd seen and intrigued me until I could no longer stand the suspence and had to see what the hooplah was all about. So I went and enjoyed it. Immensely.
The bar itself I was curious about because the owner Harold said when he was first building it that anyone could come in and do whatever they liked. (I mean have parties, play board games, etc.) Whats unusual about the Raven is that instead of a jukebox they have DJed music every night and while its service is just like any other dive bar in Manhattan or anywhere for that matter, its set up like a coffee house. I mean couches facing each other around a decent sized room so that its more like a living room with a bar than a bar with seats. Id been in the Raven before with friends who liked to drink and wanted company. I dont drink alcohol.
I am a performer of some reluctance. That is to say: I gain great satisfaction from performing and music in general and occasionally it can be very joyful but its a hard thing for me to do this in front of people. I have tremendous stage fright. The stress caused by this is incremental based on the number of people I dont know who are listening or appear to be listening. Its so bad that I quit performing out at all back in 1990. I even stopped songwriting and playing music for a while for reasons unrelated to this. My friend Hogan who has some interest in learning how to perform and play music has brought my interest back to the for front of my life and made the most important thing in my life. Simply because he couldnt accept me wasting my dreams of being good at this, he encouraged me to not only write more songs and publish them and make mp3s/recordings of them but to perform them live again.
At first I was the uncomfortable new guy but it didnt take me long to get to know the people at the Raven and to blend in. I started attending regularly around November 2001 or so... missing a few weeks here or there but for the most part becoming a regular. I didnt do the first two recordings Hogan did because I was uncomfortable with the concept of being on a compilation site like http://ravenopenstage.com. However as I helped Hogan edit the recordings I realized how cool it was and made it to the March recording.
So many good performers, great performers, insanely good songwriters have been to the Raven that the fact that it is no more as an Open Stage is still mind numbing. For a year or so it was my home musically. Every Wednesday (except occasional times) I was there. I got to play the two song slot alot. I enjoyed the people who came. Smoke filled bar with a bartenderess from hell not withstanding. It started September 19th a week after the violence I mentioned already. Kimya Dawson is the act that most captured my imagination that day. She told of how she and Aaron Wilkenson were in Toronto coming back from a tour and her Guitar and his bag had been stolen and there were at the Airport and they saw the news about the twin towers falling. She played a song that broke my heart called Anthrax. It is still my favorite Kimya song. Jude Kastle, ethereal beauty and mysterious songster also captured some of my attention with her ballads and soulful voice. Joie Blaney of Dead Blonde Girlfriend who as host of the Raven Open stage for four years sang upto 4 songs every wednesday shook my musical perceptions. His music was hard... You might want to listen standing back abit because of the intensity of his sound. His guitar work was all powerchords played at 180 beats per second on his Martin accoustic. His lyrics, sensitive and heart touching once they escaped the punk sound barrier were unexpected from his green haired mascara eyed denim and leather slightly unshaven angry man look.
So I was drawn in where I got to know the likes of Toby Goodshank, and Adam Green two of Kimya's bandmates and co-writers who were off to stardom even as I was meeting them. Neither seemed to notice their celebrity and both were gentle beings with artist endevours and music in their hearts. Toby the cartoonist/illustrator surprised me a bit by being friendly and warm where many visual artists Ive known werent. Adam a bit shyer took some getting to know. They didn't stay around the scene long... having already been there for years before I got there. Toby's lovely sister Angela and her equally alluring cohort in crime Crystal made a band called the Babyskins and out of the blue were instantly fabulous. Schoolgirl charms, intertwining melodies/harmonies and adult themes made for groovy songs and fun times. James Broughel, Angela's quiet-spoken serious-minded boyfriend (at the time), showed us that he has a talented singing voice and a knack for tender songs, though he seldom played at the Raven while I was there.
some of my early experiences at the Raven include: Beau Johnson plays a couple olde timey songs the likes of which I havent heard in 14 years (the last time I went to the Great Hudson River Clearwater Revival). Kimya Dawson plays Anthrax and hooks me to her music forever. Randi Russo plays a song left handed on a right handed guitar using chords I dont recognize even backwards and upsidedown. Lenny Molitov plays something bluesy and yet different sounding. Breadfoot plays some instrumental peice on his National Steel Dobro and I am impressed by his skills. Adam Green and Kimya do a number together about something I dont remember except that it rhymes funny with each person saying half the lines. Toby Goodshank plays a song called \"Wake Up All the Robots\" and I am in awe. Jude Kastle sings something ethereal and sweet. Jimmy Goo does a neat bluesy number. Natchi comes and sings a song \"My Dick's On Fire\" which is both funny and painful in concept. Amos (\"Simple\") plays in a tuned down tuning and sings the blues like he owns the copyright. Joie Dead Blonde Girlfriend sings Bleeker street, a song about the screwed up gentrification of a legendary music scene that gets me right in the heart because that was exactly how I have felt. Lets burn it to the ground.
Also important to the early times were Dan (I dont remember his last name), Jonathan Berger, Lisa Bianco of Redjacket, Cockroach,Lauren Echo and David K, Will Hansa, Nivi, Loraine Lecky, Randi Russo, Lenny Molitov, Joe Driscoll, Last Up Larry, Dave O'Neill, Dave of Dave's Place. These people were the people who along with Hogan made up the core of my family at the Raven. Others came and joined the ranks soon. Rocky, Timothy Dark Amy Hills, Gary, Brianna Sage, Frank, The American Anymen (they were around before but only started showing up regularly in the spring of 2002.) There are lots of other people who were important I just don't have the energy to list every single person who was at the Raven Open Stage.
In February of 2002 or so I first attended a Monday night open mic Antihoot. I'd been going to the Sidewalk every Wednesday after the Raven since November. Alot of times Hogan and I would both eat our dinners there. Fenton Lawless who could never quite make the Open Stage would often be there having tea and regaling us with tales of various things. Paleface too. Often Joe Driscoll and I would break out our guitars after the last act was done and the lights dimmed and we'd jam or show off new songs. That was when the Sidewalk was open 24 hours and they didnt close off the back like they do now.
One winter Wednesday night Hogan, Joie, myself, Fenton and Paleface were sitting in a corner after Asi Wind (a magician), the last act of the night ended and we were having drinks (nonalcoholic) and shooting the breeze when I saw this cute blonde 30something lady sitting in a corner with her guitar. She seemed lost and looking for people. We got into a cross room conversation and she came over, scaring away Joie, Paleface and Fenton who all had to places to go. Rocky it turned out was a singing mom. She was coming down to hang out and be apart of the scene in anticipation ofthe monday night Antihoot. Now before Rocky came along I didnt really know about this \"Antihoot\" and Hogan wasnt enthusiastic about it at first so he didnt bother to get me interested in it. Rocky is a great jammer and she has a terrific voice. We shared our original songs and a beautiful relationship started as Rocky became part of the Raven scene very quickly. She also drew me into the Sidewalk scene so that at one point they were hard to distinguish.
Lach was funny the first time I saw him MC... Call me corny but I like his sense of humor. His material sometimes needs a change but hes funny when hes being natural and witty. The thing I didnt like was the almost clown like atmosphere of the stage. I mean there was an element of hostilty it seemed if you got up and were less than what Lach expected. It wasnt malicious just kinda like if you showed up unprepared or unsure of yourself you could expect to get heckled and made fun of. For people who were used to this it wasnt such a big deal but for a beginner it was rather intimidating. For someone with severe stage fright it was almost paralyzing. As a result I didn't get off on a good foot with Lach right away.
However a couple things I did like. One was that there was a diverse crowd every week at the Sidewalk. You never knew who might show up and perform. Not big celebrities for the most part but the quality of performers was predictably good. Then at some point I found myself drawn more and more to the downstairs area where people could go and jam or tune or practice or socialize if the upstairs scene wasnt their thing, or they needed a break or wanted to escape a particularly hideous act. I love jamming and hate big crowds. One of the things I noticed as the spring turned to summer was that the sign ups were getting bigger and bigger and the Sidewalk in general wasnt as fun a place to be on Monday. I found myself consistantly drawing a late number and escaping earlier and earlier to the basement.
The way the sign up for the Fort Antihoot works is at 7:30 pm or so on monday evening Lach gets on stage after cutting off the background music and makes a speech of varying lengths and generally designed to hype up the crowd and get the energy flowing in the right direction. After his speech everyone who wants a number lines up and gets one... He rips up a sheet of paper into little bits each with a number between one and the amount of people there (usually 60+) he randomly selects to peices of paper with numbers and puts one in each hand. You choose a hand and the number that is in that hand is the number you get for the night, the higher the number the later you go on. People with shows that week at the Sidewalk get earlier numbers so that they may more effectively promote their shows. This creates a bit of resentment at times with people who feel they can't or don't want to stay too late and who get \"bad\" numbers.
My feeling is this is a bit of survival of the fittest at work here. What I mean is in order to get noticed and get good numbers at the Sidewalk you typically have to deal with late numbers and your dedication and determination are what indicate how well you succeed at getting the early numbers. Some people disagree with me and point to my own history to defend their position. I have had pretty poor luck with numbers though I am no Last Up Larry who earned his nickname by showing up and playing last every monday for a year. I think its just the fact that I am not someone who has a gig at the Sidewalk every two-three weeks and who generally shows up even when not having a gig that week so it seems that I get lousy numbers more often when its just the average of the draw. I am not really going to argue this though because there is scant evidence to support any theory but the one Ive put forth which is that it is fair and random.
MY RESENTMENT OF DARTHVADER (I mean Lach)So for a while I was playing every monday night and every wednesday night and Id typically get one song on Monday and two songs on Weds. After a while I started getting comments from people wondering when I was going to ask Lach for a gig. Lach wasn't offering me one. What was I doing wrong? I asked myself. One night after I felt I had done a really good job on the songs I had played and after a number of different people suggested I ask Lach for a gig, I did. I stopped him on his way somewhere else and asked him, \"what do I have to do to get a gig here?\", he paused then said \"what I usually tell people who ask me that is: 'impress me.'\" He went on to whereever he was going and I stood there crushed. I haven't impressed you? Not even a little? Well that put me in an anti-sidewalk mood for about a month. I even wrote a song about it called Mr Hollywood. It was neither fair nor accurate but it made me feel good momentarily.
Then I got over myself. Its not that Lach would never give me a gig, I just had to give more than what I was giving before... I wasnt sure what that was... maybe overcoming my stage fright was really more important than I thought. I just used to shrug it off and try to pretend like I didnt have it. Most people would say they didnt notice it if I mentioned it. What they werent saying and this might have been true is that they didnt notice it because they werent paying attention. Also I found the Sidewalk stage to be hard because while I could hear myself in the monitor it often didnt sound right and no matter what I did to adjust I couldnt get the cold distant sound to change. At the Raven within the small confines of the bar if I belted everyone even those outside the bar could clearly hear me. At the Sidewalk its much much harder to project correctly. You have to use the microphones more effectively.
Well I gave up on getting a gig at the Sidewalk and concentrated on recording my CD Album \"Out of The Broken Sky.\" Hogan my engineer for the project had a hard time finding time to do the recording because of his need to find work constantly. Some webwork did come his way and he made some fantastic sites from that, namely joiedbg.com and laurenecho.com. But that just meant he had less time to spend recording with me. Finally at the end of June we did get a bunch of songs done and at the end of July the cd was almost ready. I had made a cover and even drawn some extra doodles for the inside. Hogan decided that his birthday present to me was going to be getting my CD done in time for the surprise birthday party he had planned at the Raven. I was thrilled about the present and the party. I gave away too many of my cds however and sold almost none so perhaps the coincidence of the two events wasnt such a great thing after all.
Lach came to the Raven the night of my Birthday party and sang a song about Doing the Next Right thing. I think some of the tensions that had been building during the year had lead to some personal epiphany on his part because he was friendlier and more open and continued to be so after that. A couple weeks later Carol (my significant other of 15yrs) and I were sitting at the Raven enjoying the evening and Lach came up to me and asked me if I wanted a gig. I accepted of course and he scheduled me for early September. I found out that he had some holes in his schedual because a lot of the bigger names had just finished doing the Summer AntiFest which is a big week long affair and alot of regulars were burnt out of the scene for a while. No matter the reason I had to reevaluate Lachs position in my life. My gig was great, Hogan took pics, My Dad came (looking like the hippy he is) and alot of my friends came or stopped by. Numbers wise I probably had about 15 people there. Not bad for a first gig. Not amazing but...
THE GOBLINSAround the time that I got the gig I had been playing with Danny Fast Fingers a long time member of the scene. Danny's music was interesting to me. He has a very organic way of playing and he really pays attention to the people he is playing with. This is a rare gift. In addition he plays a dozen or so instruments favoring lead on 12 string and solo acts with Sitar. So Danny sat in with me for most of the songs I played and I was happy to have him.
Also of interest to me at the time was Dave of Dave's Place. Dave and his longtime Girlfriend Just Jill were veterans of the Raven and Id finally found out that Dave was a bass player so I asked him if he wanted to play with me and Danny at my Next Gig. The Next gig was booked for November. Unfortunately scheduals didnt match and we only got one rehearsal in the week before the gig and I told Dave I didnt feel comfortable with him playing with me. I fear I might have hurt his feelings a bit since he justifyably had a proper complaint. He had trouble playing with me unrehearsed because my rhythm is funny. If I don't pay 100% attention to it I tend to add in a 16th of a beat here and there. This is just not a fun thing if you are a bassist.
I had dreams of a band called The Goblins because I thought it would be ironic if the three of us who had trouble drawing enough people sepparately could together do something synargistic and exciting. Ive never really had my own band before. I dont count being a member of the Dead Beats as a band experience. That was Howie Zow's thing and Johnny D'arc and I were just members of his thing.
It still could happen. If I can find the right rhythm section to work with me and if I can pull Danny Fast Fingers away from his 101 projects and girlfriend long enough, I want to give it a shot. Why the heck not? even John Ashcroft has a band I hear.
INTRINSIC MEMBERS OF THE SCENEThere are alot of people on the Antifolk Scene who I've only spoken to briefly and there are others who are new and so are new to me too. When I first heard Regina Spektor my jaw dropped. She was just that good. The thing that amazed me is the quality of her voice and the playfulness of her lyrics. The funny thing is I resisted going to see her because everyone kept saying Id have exactly that reaction when I did. I often have heard since Nellie McKay came on the scene, comparisons to Regina and I have to say I don't see it. Nellie's magic is different than Regina's. True they are both attractive singer/songwriter females who play keyboards/piano and both are wonderful but thats where the similarity ends. Michael Leviton a professional(of the suit wearing ilk) by day, plays the ukelele and sings ditties about love and the sea. He also surprised me. When I first heard him I didn't think much of him beyond \"oh there's a uke player in a suit and glasses.\" but then I heard him again and really liked what I heard. He has a sense of panache, old school style.
Also of interest of the late comers a fellow named Kevin from Massachusetts. And let me not forget Dibs. Dibs who with his cutiepie partner in crime Sarah struck the scene like a tornodo on wheels also teamed up with Joie of DeadBlondeGirlfriend, and lately has been hanging with Dashan of Huggabroomstick. I dont think Huggabroomstick is new to the scene but they weren't in my sights until recently. All of these performers have something interesting in common. A sensiblity that lyrics matter most and music while its important isnt the prime reason for song writing. This I think might be where Antifolk's core definition comes from. This may not be evident in every antifolker's music but if you listen to the Moldy Peaches or Joie of DeadBlondeGirlfriend or Larval Organs you can tell its there. True they do make good music but its not of primary importance.
DTUT and Amy HillsAfter december of 2002 when Joie ended the Raven a number of people who don't perform at the Sidewalk stopped being a part of my life. Ive been missing the feeling I used to get from the Raven every week and Amy Hills my friend decided to fix that. Well she didn't do it for me per se and from what I have heard the events came together some what serendipitously but in all she has done a bang up job with offering a nice Open Stage setting in an informal and comfortable place. DTUT is more upscale than the Raven and helluva lot more expensive but its homey and has a similar feel to it in the back. So I don't go every wednesday as much because its all the way uptown on the East Side instead of being a mere block and a half from my apartment, but everytime Ive gone its been great fun.
ZOOM TO PRESENT (almost... the war in IRAQ anyway)It is February 2003 and there is a war brewing. The rhetoric is flying and all the president's men (puppeteers and facemen alike) are geared up to play their parts. In March after much gnashing of teeth and rattling of sabers and banning of french products/names/ideas from the american lexicon we do indeed go to war. We are involved in a criminal action, a crusade against a rich oil country, a \"liberation\" and assassination of a Tyrant who opposes us. This is serious fuel for us song writers who thrive on protest songs. And we have a forum. The Sunday Night Anti Social Hosted by Danny Kelly. After the first week Ive written three new songs and memorized them. I attend and perform... The attendance of the Antisocial has not been stellar. It has slowly declined every week since the first and I am not totally sure why. Who wouldnt want to show up to a stage that is open to political and topical songwriting and that anyone who is minded to can grab. Its consensus type of signup/get on stage approach is refreshing and never has been a problem. Sadly the fact that people can show up at any time in the evening and perform is kind of a problem because we need people there from the start.
So I did a show in February on a Sunday and that night there was a blizzard. And Cyndi Lauper showed up or rather she showed up to see another act and stayed for part of mine even though her friends were dragging her away. I am happy with that and dont even care that I had drawn a small number of people for my audience. Amy Hills was there cheering me on too and that made me even happier. Hogan recorded that evening and I've made a cd of it. I rebooked and got a Tuesday Gig in which is good because my Dad's significant other Anne hadn't seen me perform on a stage in 10 years and so got to do that. My numbers at that gig were about 12 people I think. Not amazing. What mystifies me continuously is that I go out of my way to see people I consider to be friends and few reciprocate. Those that do like Hogan Long, Amy Hills, Jon Berger and Joie DBG are people I know are true. As I said to Lenny Molitov once... you can't count on friends on the scene to pull you through numberswise, but its still a bit disappointing. Whats even more disappointing is that alot of people say they are going to come and then dont. But this is the way gigs are. You can expect if you are lucky 25% of the people who say they are going to show to do so.
Ok this Antisocial thing was geering up and I was so enthusiastic about it, I'd written two reviews on two separate weeks (at Antifolk.net) and feel it is the next best thing since Dungeons & Dragons 3rd Edition came out. I called Lach to rebook a gig and he asked me if I want to do an Anti Social featured act which I say yes to without even thinking about it. On hindsight perhaps I should have asked for a more mundane date. I didn't realize until about a week before the gig that it was on Easter Sunday, also \"420\" having cult significance for some pot smokers April 20th was some kind of unofficial party holiday and if that wasn't bad enough the Larval Organs and Huggabroomstick were both playing at Stinger on the same night through the same time. And Passover had just passed so many people were still home with family for the week. There was no way in hell I was going to get even a few scene people to come down. And even my Dad couldn't make that gig. It wasn't a complete disaster with Spencer Evans, Beau Johnson, Lenny Molitov, Hogan Long and Erin Simon among others who showed and performed.
Also because Danny Kelly's back was hurting him from all his angst against the war and the corruption in government he was out and Amos did sound for the night. Not to knock Amos who is a great sound person but Danny lends an excitement to the event and gets people motivated to put on their best show of political songs. In any event I was largely disappointed with the lack of people not just for me but because it was a definite signal that the Antisocial was a failed experiment. Even though I emailed everyone I have emails for and asked my Dad to do the same and postered the neighborhood with fliers whereever it is legal to do so and handed out hundreds of handfliers that wasn't enough to get people interested.
I feel awful that I missed Beau and Spencer. I really wanted the AntiSocial to work. As Mike Rocklin said on the Olive Juice Boards (in paraphrase): if the antisocial is dead then our freedom of self expression might be next. Anyone who doubts this might want to check on the status of the Patriot II act currently in congress. I am sure there are lots of people who wish all the protesters would shut up already and live nicely within the near Police state but thats for a different article.
END GAMEKnowing that Lach was going to be disappointed with the numbers, I decided to call him to rebook anyway. I was expecting him to say what he did say. Namely I can rebook if I want but I have to pull in a good number of people. Its not some arcane formula. I can do math in my head. I know that less than 10 people in an audience for a night doesn't pull in much money. I also know that even on my best day I couldnt get 25 people in unless some miraculous fluke happened and every who said they could and would come actually did. I honestly don't know the secret to drawing an audience. I think I can keep one once I have one... at least for the most part but I don't have the accumen to know how to get a steady stream of adoring fans who keep coming back. Perhaps this is something I will learn if it is learnable... or perhaps it is a sign that I have other things I should be doing and that this preoccupation with gigging at the Sidewalk is not healthy. No matter what I have enjoyed performing on the Sidewalk stage immensely and I hope to do so again at some point.
UNLESS...Yeah well thats another story. One can not predict the future with any accuracy. I was crushed for about 3 days. Posted a silly post on Olive Juice about how I was never ever going to be on the scene again and how every one who has me on a mailing list should take me off. That was silly because I don't go to people's shows so they will come to mine. Clearly if that was what I was doing I was doing it wrong. I come to peoples shows so that I can learn, be inspired, support my friends, influence the scene and enjoy good music. Anything else that happens is a bonus.
Now I want to explain something to the thick of head outsiders and easily swayed members of the anti-lach conspiracy. I like Lach. I think he has done well by me. He is not my best friend. He is a guy who books a club whom I know. He has been kind to me more than occasionally and has given me valuable advice. Those who have decided that because of the way Lach books his club that he is evil or a tyrant or what ever should examine their motives. As far as I know Lach has done more for the music scene here on the lower east side than most people. I think it would be easiest to blame Lach for my essential problem which is that I can not for what ever reason draw enough people to do business with him. Sure he sets a standard thats too high for me to meet. But he gave me 5 chances to do better and will still give me another chance if I want it.
CODAI am a songwriter. If I sound cocky and say that I think I am a damn good songwriter I think I have earned that right. I am not full of myself. I know where my lackings are. I am not a performer by nature. For me it is extremely hard work. I know for other people it can be hard work too. Ive watch Rocky for example literally bolt after a performance. Ive seen Jon Berger almost flood the stage with the water he produces as sweat while he's performing. Ive seen mistakes and gaffs and miscues and bad tunings and off key voicings and misarticulated lyrics and trips etc. This is the nature of our business. Well I am a songwriter so even if I am not currently gigging expect me to have at least one new song each week even if I dont perform it. It will if its any good end up on my site where you can read or listen to it at your leisure. And you never know when I will overcome my fear of booking agents and get a gig somewhere else.
signing off for now,
Paul Emerson Leicht
http://outofthebrokensky.com
songwriter/singer/gamester
Proud namer of the Band KATZIMBOOM (Kathy Zimmer's Band),
Proud member of the Goblin(s),
Proud member of the scene called Antifolk
©copyright 2003, All rights reserved by Paul Emerson Leicht.